Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

I try hard to understand that my son is just trying to find a way to fit in and express himself. He fits the typical 'emo' stereotype- straggly long died black hair, black hoodies, chucks, misunderstood (he thinks), depressed (I think), angst. He has friends and I have gotten to know them pretty well. They are basically good kids who dress differently. They hang out at my house (too much) but I would rather them here than on the streets. I feel at times that he is running this household. He comes and goes and barely speaks a word to me. He is never verbally disrespectful. He is going to college (yes, at 16 yrs old) getting decent grades and holding down a job.

I have concerns because he smokes, is sexually active and has smoked pot. Most of his time is spent on the computer and video games.

Trying hard to find the balance between giving him some freedoms and dealing with the problems (do i need to be firmer?). I don't have much support from his dad. Will he outgrow this phase?

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Well emo scares me....

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Maybe he is smoking weed or something %26gt;%26gt; i know alot of kids that do at this age . Ask him what's going on and don't let him say it's nothing . Make him talk to you !

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

at 16 yes he probably will outgrow the phase

my son was the same

typical emo you just got to show them love and support thats all if they knwo you love them then they will come around

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Well, the emo phase, yes. The drugs phase? No. He needs your help with that one.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

tell him that black is bad and he does not want to go to hell

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Sounds like your son is surrounded by darkness and become cold.... how do you reach someone who you think is unreachable.... depressed, and translucent....... try church and jesus christ

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

lol just because your son has long black hair dosent make him emo. emo is a way of defineing a person who is emotionally unstable. I think your son is far from that. He is a goth or a freak or something of his own creation. But look at his situation hes 16 and in college! hes living in an adult world when he should be coming home drunk and learning about how all girls are crazy. Hes grown up too fast and i think he sees that hes missed out on the best part of his life. He dosent get the chance to be a normal teen. smoking and being sexually active dosent make a child a bad seed or even a bad person. He is finding himself, slowly but surely, while still trying to live in the footsteps of an adult life. its not hard to be a grown up. if hes going to work and getting good grades then let the boy be. if he isnt failing and skipping out on work then you have nothing to worry about. if anything just try talking to him more. if hes acting like an adult then talk to him like one. but most of all dont forget to treat him like one too. not many kids could hold down a job and go to college at 16. but who knows, perhaps he wants a little parent guidance in his life. just talk to him. be in his life more. best of luck ^_^

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

He will most definitely outgrow this. Right now he is trying to find out who he is. It seems like a lot of people these days have an "emo" phase. My stepdaughter and my niece both had an "emo phase", thankfully they grew out of it. If he doesn't grow out of it, then this is who he is. I would set limitations on when he can hang out with his friends, and would drug test him with an at home test every few weeks unexpectedly. If he's having sex now you aren't going to be able to stop him, talk to him or take him to the doctor to learn about safer sex as well as STDs.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, if he's 16, in college and holding a job, you were obviously a wonderful mother.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

If it just a phase, then yeah. But not if his "friends" keep around him. He needs different friends, no offense. But that's his choice, not yours. As long as he's not robbing banks, or causing problems in the house, it sounds like he's actually a decent kid. I understand your upset over him having sex and smoking, but if emo is just a phase, so is the smoking. In everyone I've ever seen. He's only 16, give him a few years with his job and college and he'll drop his old friends like a hot potato. Maybe not all, but most. Just wait it out since he's not causing any major problems for himself or at home. Good luck.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

well really, he holds a job, goes to collage.....

just tell him you would like it if he talked to you...

the 'emo' phase is ok, all my friends are punk/emo and they all are good ppl that just dress differently....

but the smoking.... i might be concerned... just tell him your concerns, thats the best you can do because really you cant say 'your not doing enough'

because hes doing alot

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Tough question but a good honest one. It sounds a little like what me and my mother went through. I would communicate to him how you feel and your concerns without putting focus on him and put the focus on your natural motherly concerns. It may not work but at least it will be a positive thing. I wish my mother was firmer at times but usually that will turn into your son moving further away at first.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

He may not be depressed. His lifestyle says otherwise -- Although he's doing some self-destructive things, he also seems to be trying to get the most out of what life has to offer at the moment. Not too many people can work and go to school at the same time. Maybe he feels the weight of these responsibilities, and needs to find escapes (like gaming and drug use)? Also, let's not forget that emo is really just an image thing.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Not everybody who is emo is bad, first of all to the people who thinks that emo's scare them. I've been described as emo by two people and I'm not scary nor somebody who does drugs, have sex, nor cuts. Thank you very much there. It's your son's personality if he is a true emo [Emotional] but if it's just the school setting, that you believe, then more than likely it is just a phase that he will grow out of eventually. Just be understanding.

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

actually i think he will outgrow it

a lot of emo kids arent emo forever

if you try to talk to him like a normal person, maybe that helps... i really don't know tho

he probably is thinking he is misunderstood a lot... thats how i am... thats how pretty much all emos are... but i think that one day we'll just find something wrong in life and change it... until that happens, leave him with his opinion... thats all i can say

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

he sounds more goth to me, b/c goth does the whole black hoodie thing, and usually emo's wear really tight clothing. But dont worry i have never in my life seen an adult (20+) who looks like that. so yes in theory he should outgrow it

Disconnected to 16 yr old "emo" son?

Hes a teenager..., most try pot, all unless ugly and lacking social skills will have sex, ... smoking is hard to stop

Once way to connect could be to go down to camden and get a load of gothy emo stuff to help docorate his room

or get him tickets to a gig he really wants to see and could not get (standing ones only)

Or how about guitar lessons?

incidently gothy,metal rock music types are the nicest you come accorss ... virtually never if ever in fights, no gang culture, not much in the way of drugs, and look after each other...

If in London go down to camden market, esp the stables and lock market near the canal